5 - I don't want to feel this way. I feel hurt and torn up and confused about every area in my life and I don't know what to do or how to handle it. It comes in waves and my mental and emotional state are entirely different every couple of hours.
I’m not reposting the other parts of the question for everyone else, Anon. The only thing I know about psychedelics is what I’ve read and heard Ram Dass say about them. If your feelings toward him changed during/after your last “trip,” that may be the place to start looking. Whether it helped you to get in touch with how you were really feeling or distorted the feelings you have, only you can know that. I always advise anyone from making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings/situations. Give it some time. Give yourself some time. Make a decision with the perspective of clarity and distance from the event. Be kind to yourself and toward your loved one.